Love, Autism, and Everything in Between: Strengthening Your Parenting Partnership
Stress and resentment often build quietly in autism households. If the parents are consistently irritable and withdrawn, especially around the kids, it’s likely they experience burnout, depression, or feeling overwhelmed and unfulfilled—even if they don’t say so directly.
A Guide For Parents
1. Schedule a Calm Conversation (Without the Kids Around): Create space to express his feelings without blame. Focus on "I" statements like:
You can say: “I’m feeling overwhelmed and stretched thin. I’d really appreciate us finding a better way to share the load.”
2. Seek Help, Together: Suggest exploring parent support coaching or co-parenting counseling for autism.
You can say: “We’re not meant to do this alone. What if we both had a chance to feel more supported so we can show up better for the kids and ourselves?”
3. Co-Parenting & Communication Tools – Schedule weekly “family meetings”, shared calendars, or define your roles and tasks
Create a Weekly Check-In Schedule: Set aside 15–30 minutes once a week to talk through:
What’s working?
What each person needs more (or less) of?
Scheduling or sensory challenges coming up
Celebrations—what went well!
Divide Roles With Flexibility and Grace: Define roles based on strengths or bandwidth, but regularly reassess:
Who’s the therapy appointment scheduler?
Who manages IEPs or bedtime?
Are both parents getting breaks?
4. Self-Determination Program (SDP) Support – Get help bringing in extra caregiving, respite support and schedule in monthly date nights together. You don’t have to be in crisis to seek support—doing so early is an act of strength and love.
5. Tag Each Other Out: Give permission for breaks. When you see your partner reaching their limit, offer to step in—even briefly. Better yet, schedule breaks into the week for both of you. 🛑 Burnout isn’t failure—it’s a signal that you need more support, not less love.
6. Celebrate Small Wins:
Did you get through a meltdown with teamwork?
Did you manage dinner together without arguments?
Did one of you advocate at an IEP while the other kept things calm at home?
👏 Celebrate those. Write them down. Revisit them. Teamwork is the victory.
7. Nurture Your Connection Outside Parenting: Even if it’s 10 minutes a day:
A short walk together
A show you both enjoy
Touch base after bedtime with no screens
Remind each other who you were before the diagnosis
